Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in deeppuddle's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, October 26th, 2004
11:05 pm	Something to think about.... My mind stills, As i question the person who stole the sun from my sky, What put darkness into my light and why my happiness faded into the night? Who am i to question who what where and why? Only those i love glow inside. My mum used to say this to me as a little girl, she give her a chance is wise beyond her spectacles. Of late, i have felt the need to question not only myself but those around me also ....what i found was that for such an eclectic bunch of people i really do have it made. I have friends of old (the groove) and of new (nickamcat - knew you'd read this!)but in reality i have it better than most and i guess its time for me to appreciate what i have and maybe put finding mr right to the side for a while. I guess reaching the grand old age of 22 has done nothing in the process of growing up if anything i am so in need now more than ever of .....? I feel like im missing out on the worst kept secret...love! I see that friends have it, and i guess i want it too! My god, how sappy is this entry? Lasting thought.... Is it better to have loved and lost? or never to have loved at all? Current Mood: curious Current Music: "Heaven" Bryan Adams (Comment on this)
Friday, October 22nd, 2004
2:49 pm	Misty water colour memories...... So ok, maybe i have watched this movie too many times but, i really can see the parallel themes running through kkkkkatie and myself. I have to say that i have really missed my friends in the boro since moving to london. Esp the groove!!!! Greenish brown female sheep! Lets see whats been happening with me? I have encountered yep the dreaded ex .... needless to say things went pearshaped and yes he spent the night, not one of my prouder moments but hey i am only human, yep and old enough to admit my mistakes! I am back in peterborough for just under a week, and already i am missing being at my house in london!!! I have a new job which means i have to attend two lectures a week...i get to feel like a student again wahoo! Im all for cheap nights down the su bar!!! I have just turned 22 and now i feel old!!! I love this time of year it makes me feel really happy, plus xmas isnt that far off!!!! well, gonna go and will update more often i promise!!! Last thought: If we constantly worry about tomorrow who is going to think about today? (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 2nd, 2004
6:23 pm	The future....is only a day away! Hello, Deep apologies for my absence! I have been in london visiting friends and attending a wake. I am moving to the coolest place ever tomorrow yep thats right im moving to london. There are regrets i have....Im leaving a great set of friends behind, my family, my kitties,my birdie - mr cheeks. Although, the plus side is i get to start over, turn over a new leaf and be what and who i should truly be. For a while, here i have felt that id lost control of what was going on in my inner world, i seem to be just working and not reaping any of the benefits!!!! All changing now though! Im in control of my own universe a bit like she-ra!!! Dont fret...i will carry on my journal. Lets see what happens now im thrown back into the student life!!! Last thought! "Reach for the moon, If you fail cherish in the knowledge that you still get to land on the stars" Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Working class hero - John Lennon (Comment on this)
6:14 pm	The future....is only a day away! Hello, Deep apologies for my absence! I have been in london visiting friends and attending a wake. I am moving to the coolest place ever tomorrow yep thats right im moving to london. There are regrets i have....Im leaving a great set of friends behind, my family, my kitties,my birdie - mr cheeks. Although, the plus side is i get to start over, turn over a new leaf and be what and who i should truly be. For a while, here i have felt that id lost control of what was going on in my inner world, i seem to be just working and not reaping any of the benefits!!!! All changing now though! Im in control of my own universe a bit like she-ra!!! Dont fret...i will carry on my journal. Lets see what happens now im thrown back into the student life!!! Last thought! "Reach for the moon, If you fail cherish in the knowledge that you still get to land on the stars" Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Working class hero - John Lennon (Comment on this)
6:14 pm	The future....is only a day away! Hello, Deep apologies for my absence! I have been in london visiting friends and attending a wake. I am moving to the coolest place ever tomorrow yep thats right im moving to london. There are regrets i have....Im leaving a great set of friends behind, my family, my kitties,my birdie - mr cheeks. Although, the plus side is i get to start over, turn over a new leaf and be what and who i should truly be. For a while, here i have felt that id lost control of what was going on in my inner world, i seem to be just working and not reaping any of the benefits!!!! All changing now though! Im in control of my own universe a bit like she-ra!!! Dont fret...i will carry on my journal. Lets see what happens now im thrown back into the student life!!! Last thought! "Reach for the moon, If you fail cherish in the knowledge that you still get to land on the stars" Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Working class hero - John Lennon (Comment on this)
6:14 pm	The future....is only a day away! Hello, Deep apologies for my absence! I have been in london visiting friends and attending a wake. I am moving to the coolest place ever tomorrow yep thats right im moving to london. There are regrets i have....Im leaving a great set of friends behind, my family, my kitties,my birdie - mr cheeks. Although, the plus side is i get to start over, turn over a new leaf and be what and who i should truly be. For a while, here i have felt that id lost control of what was going on in my inner world, i seem to be just working and not reaping any of the benefits!!!! All changing now though! Im in control of my own universe a bit like she-ra!!! Dont fret...i will carry on my journal. Lets see what happens now im thrown back into the student life!!! Last thought! "Reach for the moon, If you fail cherish in the knowledge that you still get to land on the stars" Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Working class hero - John Lennon (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 26th, 2004
8:46 pm	Something i wrote.... When i cry i taste you in my bitter tears, These tears are the weepings of my very core Searching deep and unleashing my true fears, As i laid here empty on those sleepless nights, You shattered everything i wanted or ever knew You risked it all yet i was willing to fight, I wanted you so much i couldn't breathe your name, The silence was deafening, yet your love forever spoke volumes Changing me for better or for worse,yet i wouldn't be the same, I want you to know my rage and pain, You to cry my tears, be awake when i can't sleep Why did you throw it away when you had everything to gain? My heart feels the burden of my sorrow I was supposed to see today, love till at least tomorrow. Current Mood: Introspective Current Music: Maroon 5 "she will be loved" (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 25th, 2004
4:54 pm	Loss = the feeling of...... Hello, Its been a weird couple of days for me as i found out that one of my close friends died in a car accident a day ago. My feelings of shock, disbelief and hurt are bubbling over. I am still expecting her to call me and say ha ha ha what a brilliant joke - except it won't happen! I still dont quite believe that she has gone, i feel empty and unable to cry because i feel as though she somehow is still here. I know she isnt but i feel confused she text me only two days ago to tell me she cant wait to see me next week (was going to visit her and other uni friends) but now i will never see her again. Fate has a funny funny way of testing you to see how strong you are before you break...now whilst still going to london to see friends i am also going to a funeral. The saddest part is that she had everything to live for, recently engaged and settled in a new job, i just dont get it! Why pick her? I have long believed that when you are born the day you die is decided....there is nothing you or anyone else can do to alter that. I guess she won in all senses of the word....She did what she said she wanted to and although she didnt live as long as she expected she lived by her own rules. I guess she lives on in the hearts of people who cared about her and i myself shall never forget the things we did, i can only speak for myself but from now on i must do everything better simply because i have the chance to. Death is a life changing thing and occurs at the most unusual times, its task to challenge you to push you to your boundaries on a physical and emotional level. Truth is im not letting it beat me, yes i feel the loss of a dear friend and no time isnt ever going to change that i guess the pain will subside in time to come but what i want to say is that through us she lives on! Rest in peace cupcake xxx (Comment on this)
Monday, September 20th, 2004
4:42 pm	Why is a mistake never seen as a mistake? Hello, How you doing? I was at work today at the dreaded pool that is jack hunt, when by mistake i dropped a ph tablet from the water testing kit into the pool. Ok, so you think it wouldnt make a difference to the water oh hell no! The water immediately begins to change into a reddy orange colour that can only mean yes you guessed it wee wee! I honestly thought it was quite funny as at the time several members of the schools teaching staff were in the pool (adults) meaning yep they had been weeing!!!! I dont know who was more embarrassed? Hence my whining on here because i got the bollocking of my life!!!! Changing the subject! Its my favourite time of year all the leaves are falling from the trees....plus its nearly my birthday!!! Am such a big kid! Im going to be twenty two - am so old! thought of the day.....you know its going to be one of those days when you drop your toast first thing in the morning. Why does toast always fall butter side down? Guess thats sods law for you!!! Tatty bye! Current Mood: amused Current Music: Blondie - "heart of glass" (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 18th, 2004
4:43 pm	Que sera! What ever will be will be! The futures not ours to see. Thats life.....the endless turmoil of living an existence that never seems to stop spinning! Why is it that some people find someone to be with and others remain single? To put it down to fate is just boo! I watched an episode of sex and the city the other day (quoting s.a.t.c i must be sad!) but the character charlotte reckoned that each of us get two great loves. Thats all fair and good but at the moment i would settle for just a sniff of one!!!! Theres this guy ive had my eye on but i am too afraid to go and speak to him....wimp! Sorry sometimes i get tourettes!!! Always at the most opportune times! and often in exremely embarrassing situations!!! Really though what is a girl to do? Still saturday night are often interesting if anything!!!! Untill next time..... Parting is such sweet sorrow that i shall be saying it till it be morro! Current Mood: chipper (Comment on this)
Friday, September 17th, 2004
2:09 pm	The bitter sweet taste of love! Dear You, I have been working weird shifts at work and this has meant that i have to ride my bicycle home at 11 oclock at night. Now....my journey home is pretty easy except for the huge dark bit i have to ride through! Last night for example was no different! It was freezing cold and still i had to ride. I was working with Lewis and after much badgering got him to ride through the dark bit with me! What does this mean? Doe he just like me as a friend or is he genuinely worried for my well being? God....if only it was simple! is that too much to ask? Untill next time Au revoir! xx (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 15th, 2004
9:33 pm	The green eyed monster whos eating away at me! Dear You, As i sit her on this cold and miserable september evening i ponder the thought of is anyone truly ever happy? This is a thought that haunts my dreams and clouds my sight. I believed that if i followed the path least chosen i would reach my goal of happiness....or at least be able to say i was content! Firstly let me apologise to my friend Groove, she felt the backlash of my jealousy and i thought i was one in a million that didnt experience this horrible emotion. I dont want myself to come across as selfish but i had her all to myself and then this guy comes along and i seem to be left in the cold. It doesnt matter that i think the guy in question is special, or that they seem perfect for eachother....I almost lost her once through her x. I couldnt bear it if it happened again! This makes me a green eyed monster then i confess! Im trying to repent! Honest! I felt left out in the cold because even when she needed me most outside poundland, he was there for her not me! I feel like .....i dont know! I am not liking myself at the moment because of this, its eating me up inside. So....i turn to live journal to tell my tale for me. Yep i feel jealous and i dont like that feeling, it brings tears to my eyes...not over the fact she is happy or that shes met a great guy but because i feel like im losing grasp of my best friend. Although last time the story ended well for me just waiting for her to come back and see the light, i dont think the situ is the same but the same feelings of dread are rearing their ugly heads! I desperately want to see past this and maybe im dwelling on this but hey, im a work in progress... Saturday nights are now shared and he makes a huge effort to get to know me, I guess really i should open my eyes, see past the green and see that im not losing a friend im gaining a new one! Maybe then i can try to tackle the issue of happiness. Untill then greenish brown female sheep! xx Current Music: "Nothings gonna stop us now" by Starship (Comment on this)
Monday, August 30th, 2004
2:58 pm	Well im off to sunny spain....viva espanol! Well its early afternoon and i am off to sunny spain. I am going to visit my friend tasha in spain, i am really nervous about flying on my own, but hey i get to see atsha in like three hours! (Comment on this)